The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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