I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
