I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
