Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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