i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
