like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize