does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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