Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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