I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize