When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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