Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
