me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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