His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
