I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
