You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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