You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
