That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
