So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
