he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
