I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
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My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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