This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
