I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
