ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints