Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
