his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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