can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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