I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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