I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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