I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
