and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
