you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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