you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
