well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
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There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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