4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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