there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
