don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
