he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
