i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
