I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
