I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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