I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
