New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
