I wish I could punch you in the face.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
