At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
