What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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