He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
