His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
