Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
