Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
