I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
