Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I checked into jail on foursquare
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm getting married
To pizza
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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