i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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