Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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