Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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