We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
