I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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