You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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