The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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