Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just forgot I was standing up.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
