think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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