I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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