When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
