Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
that's an acceptable place to lick
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If I die, sorry about rent.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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