This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
