dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
