I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
