Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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