and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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