Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
