i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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