She's JV to your varsity
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
